screamingcrawfish:

i have compiled a list of my favorite phrases seen in the “first blowjob” tag

IMO best of the best:

• my palms were really sweaty, my kness got weak, arms were heavy theres vomit on his sweater all ready moms spaghetti 
• it was last year when I turned 42 and I had this guy over because I am a homosexual
• my first blowjob was to a republican.
• my first blowjob i was really scared so my boyfriend let me put nutella on his penis and all was well

And special honours goes to…

• she started screaming because she thought sperm cells were little tad poles that was eat the surface of her eye.

…because that was legit what it felt like when I got it in my eye… Also on my first time.

lostamongtheclouds:

THE LAST ONE OH MY GOD

I’m willing to bet any amount of money, I’m in someone’s phone as ‘angry bitch.’

500daysofevilexes:

theoriginalgatu:

I brought A movie themed magazine…

LOOK AT MIKE.

WELL DONE PREMIERE. 

OMG! He’s on the cover of a magazine!!

dduane:

christiantheatheist:

This man is invaluable. Let’s elect him King of the World and kick back to watch him fix things so everything works.

Oh god… did I just ship Neil deGrasse Tyson with Jon Stewart?

I think so…

Obama, I wish you were my president…

edgysatsuma:

rabelde-sin-causa:

I love National Geographic so much. 

(Click the picture for the article in question)

Waat?